Nothing comes off in this one. There’s no timer and no winner, and it may still be the most revealing thing on this site.
The questions fall into three piles. Closeness is about what makes you feel loved and when you feel most at ease. Desire gets into what you want, how you like to be asked, and how you’d prefer to hear “not tonight”. Ahead looks at what you’d like to try, keep or change over the coming years. You can stay in one pile or let them shuffle together.
A good way to do this
One of you reads and the other answers, and then you swap. The listener’s job is to listen: you can ask a follow-up and you can say thank you, but you can’t defend yourself, correct the timeline or explain what you really meant that time in Lisbon, because those conversations can happen another day.
Pick a moment when neither of you has to be anywhere, and start on a couch, not a bed, since people talk more honestly when they aren’t also wondering what’s about to happen. Agree, before you start, that you’re here out of curiosity, with no score being kept, and that any question can go back in the deck with a simple “not that one” and no explanation from either of you. For something lighter, with a silly label at the end, there’s the sex quiz for couples.
Three or four is plenty
These go better slowly. A single good answer can fill an evening, so don’t treat the deck as a list to finish; keeping the page around and asking one question a night over dinner is another way to play it. When a question gives you ideas, the bucket list for two turns them into something you can act on.
If an answer stings
Say so, gently, and take a break. You’ve just learned something real, and it can wait until you’re both ready. These are conversation starters, and for anything heavy a qualified counselor is the better bet.
Nothing you answer is saved, because nothing gets typed: the questions come up on your phone and the rest happens out loud. That also makes the Closeness pile safe for a restaurant, if you’d like to take this out to dinner. Desire may be best kept for after the check.